Peace( In search of)

Peace; in the search of which I drove my life cart,

Travelling through the potholes my wheels were worn out.

I pulled it with my rope of hope.

But, they refused to move an inch.

“This is not our path”, they yelled.

But, this is the path most chose, I said.

I pulled them again with all my might

Thud! The wheels broke,

 I fell shattered and sore.

This was not my path of peace later I realised

And now, I chose to stand and shine

to reach my shore where peace I can befriend.

The path was difficult, alone I had to travel

Hope in my Lord was all I gathered.

There was my dream which was too far to reach

Patience and silence I chose when at peak.

Search for peace was my only goal

for which I’ll strive with my wounded soul.

Final Path

I bottled my pain to walk through the woods they chose,

Their laughter filled the skies, my tears captured within the dark clouds.

I could see my bruises bleed pleading for help

I could only hush them with the dirt.

Drenched and toiled I chose to smile,

None came to rescue, because it was my final path.

Bells rang across the woods, my heart sank a little more

I wished to enter the soil shrouded in white,

That would be the divine miracle of my Lord; I smiled with the thought of returning to my Lord.

New pain?

I’m sacred, I’ll fail in this phase of pain.

I’m scared, I’ll never find myself back again.

I’m scared waking with this fear of unknown everyday.

I’m sacred this emptiness will swallow me oneday.

I wish to free myself from these shackles,

I wish to be less judged and more heard.

Will these rain bring the rainbow or will it come with a flood of another pain?

July 31,2020

That night I woke up with a heavy head, which reminded me how I wept the previous day. Slowly I walked out of the room making sure no one woke up. Went to get my ablution done.. I then spread my prayer mat on the floor, suddenly my heart started beating very fast I felt all arteries across my heart were pumping with great effort. I distracted myself to focus only on my Rabb.

And then I bowed to my Creator; feeling all his presence within my deepest veins. Finally when my forehead hit the floor my eyes started flowing like never before. I wept, I wept. I wept for the pain I was going through, I wept for the lessons I learnt, I wept for the echoing hurtful words, I wept for not reaching people’s expectations, I wept for all my fears turning true with each passing day, I wept because I knew it was my Rabb who would alone accept me in this brokenness…

And then I sat on my prayer mat absorbed in my thoughts. I always thought I was the culprit and people around me were the victims. I always thought it was my mistake because I didn’t give my best. That day for the first time I realised I was the victim. The victim of someone’s ego, the victim of someone’s expectations, the victim of someone’s weakness, the victim of someone’s desires and sadly the victim of my own selfless love (which many termed as my foolishness).

Did I deserve this I asked myself?

No answer..

I wept again, gulping every breath so that I was not heard. My head hurt very badly, I thought I couldn’t stand up again. The weeping continued for a long 5 minutes or more and then I decided to lock up my lacrimal glands.

Now, I remembered every scornful look from my relatives for mistakes I never did. Again I asked myself did I deserve this? Unanswered again.

I looked up, I knew my Rabb was watching me, I knew He will surely respond to my unanswered questions, I knew these tears will be replaced with a long lasting happiness when I return to Him. This hope made me to stand up again. I stood up and embraced myself, I embraced my strength, I embraced my weaknesses, I embraced my pain.

And then I mumbled “Oneday my silence will speak.”


She feared the thorns in the garden,

but it were the flowers that pricked.

Shedding the blood through her eyelashes.

Sweet or bitter she was forced to gulp, dare not to complain, dare not to mourn.

They thought it was the end of her misery.

Sadly it was not.

It was the beginning of her untold story to be hidden within the colourful petals.

She was to be sucked by the butterflies, because she was a flower.

A flower dare not to complain, dare not mourn.

Bed of hope

In the serenity of night,

I woke up with a flight.

I saw a beaming light,

I thought it was my rescue

Fast I ran, panting and chanting with all my might.

Suddenly, the light disappeared leaving me boggled.

“You can’t enter”, I heard a voice,

We fear your darkness will kill our light.

Darkness I saw everywhere,

nothing to hold, none to care.

I returned to my bed of hope,

Frowning and weeping holding my broken heart,

with a promise not to hurt me anymore.

Fallen Leaf

Solitude was my joy

Silence was my strength

And then unknowingly I crept into the fancy world carrying all my love.

I chose a branch, a branch that I thought was strong to swing

Litte did I know I was an old leaf, to be accepted by the tree.

No! said the tree,

I can’t bear an old leaf, amidst my young green leaves.

I was swept by the strongest wind, wrinkled and cracked covered by the darkest dust.

I returned to my solitude, I returned to my joy.

One day I’ll dust myself and high I’ll fly…

Inner Scream

Where did I go wrong? Will this taunts ever end? Will I ever gain my self respect back? Was I really wrong?

Those hurtful words.. those blames.. will I ever be able to stand up again? I fell I fell into the deepest pit..

Lost self respect.. Unworthy me… If you are a girl you will always be blamed..

I want to scream, scream my heart out.. I never meant what you think.. Searching everywhere I find nothing to hold..

Will I be able to stand up ever ? Dark clouds settled forever….

The purpose of our existence.

LIFE= the existence of an individual human being or animal, defines the google.

Is it only limited to that one sentence? Doesn’t life mean more? Life is the most unpredictable being, life is the worst delusion. In search for meaningful life we have forgotten the actual purpose of our existence. Why are we here? What are we up to after we die? These are the questions we should often ponder upon. Do you know where will you find the answers to these endless questions? Yes, it’s only via the words of GOD i.e.

THE QURAN, which has all the answers.
Allah says in The Holy Quran :

“And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.” Quran 51:56.

This verse is the perfect answer for the question of our existence. Worshiping Allah(SWT), obeying Allah(SWT), seeking His pleasure is the only purpose of our existence. But what are we doing today? Are we really living to please our Creator? The scenario has completely changed since the time of our Prophet(SAW) and the Sahabas( may Allah be pleased with them). There are lots of unnecessary changes brought into our beautiful deen which sadly many don’t realize. People give much importance to manmade traditions forgetting the sunnah of our beloved Prophet(SAW). The result of all this is chaos, worries, stress, misunderstandings and whatnot.

Life always takes you through the unexpected phases. There are phases of happiness , sorrow, grief, confusion etc. but we often forget that these phases of our life are the plans of Allah(SWT). Life is a test. If you are a believer, you will surely be tested as promised by Allah in the Noble Quran.

“Verily, We shall put you to test with some fear, and hunger, and with some loss of wealth, lives, and offspring. And (O Muhammad) convey good tidings to those who are patient, who say, when inflicted by hardship, “Verily we are of God and verily to Him shall we return;” upon them is the blessings of Allah and His mercy.” Quran (2:155).

Yes, indeed with patience and trust in Allah(SWT) one will gain immense strength to go through the difficult phases of life. It’s not that only the difficult phases of life are tests from Allah(SWT), but Allah also tests his servants through ease. Will you be grateful ? will you be arrogant? It’s often that we fail in test of ease. May Allah grant guidance to every single one us and show us the straight path. Aameen.

“And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive [to Allah ]” Quran 2:45.

When everything seems difficult and nothing goes in our favor, we often get frustrated and lose hope. As the sun goes down and the darkness seems surrounding, we will yet find the light from the moon. Similarly in the darkest phase of our life we will surely see the light from Allah(SWT) if we rely on Him completely. Hope in the mercy of Allah in the darkest of times and you will surely shine through the darkness one fine day. Never forget the purpose of your existence in the greed for duniya instead have greed for the best of the hereafter and make the best of this duniya for a beautiful hereafter. We will surely have to return back to Him so let’s make the best of our purpose of existence and carry plenty of good deeds to our grave.

May Allah(SWT) bless and guide us all. Aameen.

“Indeed, we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return.” Quran 2:156.

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